Editor PicksHow To Marry Someone In The Military

How To Marry Someone In The Military

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Deployment And Reunion With Family

Being Married to Someone in the Military

Research has found that military deployment can be an emotional and stressful experience for married military personnel as well as for their families and children. The separation can cause stress due to the loss of emotional support, disconnected relationships, and increased caretaking and household responsibilities for the civilian spouse. It can also cause spouses to experience loneliness, anger, depression and anxiety. In addition, research indicates that spouses focus on dealing with their children’s reactions to deployment and for deployed personnel, they experience feelings of guilt for leaving their families. Further, deployment has been linked to increased rates of spousal abuse.

The following resources provide information on the effects of deployment on relationship quality, stability, and satisfaction and offer strategies for navigating the reunion/reintegration process.

Armed Forces Crossroads. Section on Family Separations.This webpage includes information on how to rebuild, reunite and rekindle a marriage and relationship, and how to prepare for the reunion of a family after a separation.

MacDermid, S. M. . Multiple transitions of deployment and reunion for military families. Military Family Research Institute at Purdue University.Findings from two studies are discussed. One is focused on service members in the Reserve and the other on active duty military members. The two studies examine deployment and reunion challenges for each group.

Youre Going To Be Lonely

No matter how close you are to family, youre going to feel like youre in a different world. People outside the military community just dont understand what its like to date a military man. They think movies show it all, but youll quickly learn thats not true. And sometimes youll be lonely, even if youre in your hometown.

Getting Married On Base

The point of contact is the chaplain’s office. Each military base has one chapels that are used for religious services. One can get married in a base chapel, just as one can get married in a church off-base. Base chaplains offer a complete variety of marriage choices, including religious , non-religious, casual, civilian-formal, and military-formal.

If the wedding is conducted by a military chaplain, there is never a fee.

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Benefits Of Being A Dual Military Couple

Still, other dual-military couples said while there are difficulties, there are also a number of benefits. Military spouses understand the stress each other faces on the job every day, and can help each other cope with the challenges they deal with. They can pack each other’s gear and even if they’re not stationed together, can be a sounding board for each other during challenging periods in their respective tours of duty.

Better Housing For Married Troops

Tips for a Happy Military Marriage

The housing situation for Airmen, Sailors, Soldiers, and Marines can be much improved over life in the barracks married couples are not subject to the same kinds of living quarters inspections and communal living considerations that single service members have to deal with.

And the higher your rank, the better options you may have open to you depending on location and other factors.

Consider a typical military assignment to a new base where there is plenty of on-and off-post housing to choose from. An enlisted service member in the ranks of E1 through E3 is not permitted to live in the local community. These troops are usually required to live in the barracks.

It should be pointed out here that the better housing for couples is not an intentional effort or policy by Defense Department leaders to offer married service members a better lifestyle, but in many areas, married couples do reap the benefit of their situation and the militarys willingness to provide higher allowances, better housing, etc.

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Understand The Traditions And Customs When Planning A Military Wedding

Planning your wedding can be exciting, and there are a lot of details involved, especially for weddings on a military installation. Although theres no official protocol for military weddings, you might want to incorporate some military traditions into your big day. And youll want to follow the rules and regulations regarding the wearing of uniforms and the use of proper military titles on invitations, name cards and seating charts. Check out our helpful list of things to consider as you plan your wedding ceremony.

What Do I Need To Know

If you are in the United States , getting married as a member of the military is much the same as civilian marriages. You don’t need advanced permission and there is no special military paperwork to fill out before the marriage. You simply get married according to the laws of the state where the marriage is taking place after obtaining a marriage license off-base.

If you are overseas and marrying a foreign national, it’s a different story. There are multiple forms to complete you must obtain counseling and your commander’s permission your spouse must undergo a security background check and pass a medical examination. Finally, the marriage has to be “recognized” by the United States Embassy. The entire process can take several months.

Regardless of where or who, once married, if the spouse is non-military, the military member can bring a copy of the certified marriage certificate to the Personnel Headquarters on the base to receive a dependent ID card for the spouse, and enroll the spouse in DEERS , to qualify for military benefits such as medical coverage and commissary and base exchange privileges.

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Commissary Exchange Base Privileges

You will find many people on base in the same position as you, and they will become family. Base schools offer unique environments to military children in pre-school and elementary schools on many bases. The no tax and lower than average shopping experience at the grocery store and base stores are also helpful to the monthly budget. Social activities are also prevalent on base and in the surrounding area for the military family to help with the departure of a spouse on deployment.

Is Your Spouse In The Military

Getting Married in Military – How We Got Approved?

If the spouse that you marry is not in the military, the military member can receive a dependent ID card for the spouse to enroll in the Defense Eligibility Enrollment Reporting System in order to be eligible for commissary and Base Exchange privileges, medical coverage, and other military benefits. In order to do so, you must bring a copy of the certified marriage certificate to the Personnel Headquarters.

When you get married also impacts your rights and privileges. If you have orders and get married before you make a move to a Permanent Change of Station , your spouse and his or her property can be relocated at the expense of the military. However, if you report to your new assignment prior to marrying, you will be responsible for paying for the expenses associated with the relocation.

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Dual Military Bah Benefits For Married Troops

Consider the with dependents rate for BAH . The single service member does not get this elevated rate, only married couples .

When a mil-to-mil couple draws BAH, a table is required to determine the couples BAH rates . Federal regulations governing BAH are found in the government publication Joint Travel Regulations, Chapters 8 through 10, which includes guidance on how a dual military BAH is paid to dual-military couples.

In mil-to-mil couples without dependent children, both spouses are paid without the dependents rate. If the couple has children, one spouse receives the with-dependent BAH rate, the other gets the single-rate BAH.

Maintaining A Green Card

To maintain a U.S. green card, a foreigner must generally reside primarily in the U.S. However, in the case of military personnel, foreign spouses who reside overseas on U.S. bases will not lose the green card simply because they do not reside in the U.S.

Allan Scott Lolly

managing attorney

They can satisfy the U.S. residency requirement while living abroad. They even have the opportunity to apply for U.S. citizenship while residing abroad. U.S. residency is waived in these instances.

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What You Need To Know

The main law governing military divorce is the Uniformed Services Former Spouses Protection Act , Public Law 97-252 . Effective February 1, 1983, FSPA returned to state courts the right to consider military retired pay as property upon divorce. FSPA provides a method of enforcing current child support and alimony awarded in a court order and permits a direct payment of retired pay for certain eligible former spouses. In certain cases, FSPA also allows some former spouses to retain commissary and exchange privileges, military health care, and designation as a Survivor Benefit Plan beneficiary.

Do You Need Permission Or Extra Paperwork

Married in the Military

If you are getting married in the States to another citizen, the answer is no. You don’t need advanced permission, and there is no military paperwork to complete. You get married according the laws of the state.

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If you are deployed overseas and marrying a foreign national there are plenty of forms and regulations. Youll need to go for counseling. Youll also need your commander’s permission, but this is rarely withheld, unless there is a very good reason to do so. Your intended will need to pass a security background check and medical examination.The marriage has to be recognized by the United States embassy. Bear in mind that the whole process can take several months.

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Many Military Benefits And Resources Are Available To Spouses

There is no military spouse pay or stipend, but the military offers a number of benefits to help service members and their families. Your first stop after the wedding should be the nearest military ID card issuing facility to enroll in DEERS, the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System.

Once enrolled, you can access military benefits, including health care and health insurance.

Other benefits include:

The Downsides Of Being A Military Spouse

Naturally, military spouse benefits are not the only part of the military life but you probably already knew that.

While the military spouse benefit part is really helpful for any type of family and contains many more benefits than we mentioned there are a couple of other things that will really test your patience as a military spouse.

  • Your spouse is honor-bound as you know, you will most likely spend quite some time apart from your spouse. This is because the military requires them to dedicate themselves to their duty, no matter what. As such, you may have to deal with deployment, work shifts during unconventional hours, service on temporary stations, including training programs, and so on.
  • You may miss some holidays together the family is extremely important to a service member mainly because he/she wont be able to always be home for Christmas, for example, a case in which theyll rely on parents, and so on, to spend time with their spouse.
  • You may have a hard time understanding his/Her feelings if youre not connected to the military in any way, then you will surely feel like somethings wrong when your spouse is stressed, anxious, and so on when, in fact, its because of their job. As mentioned above, family is extremely important to them as such, the best thing you can do is to keep both their feelings and type of work in mind when thinking about them.

The bottom line

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How Do You Maintain A Military Relationship

You + Him + Military = Three in a Relationship

Ask any military spouse or long-term significant other and youll discover there are always three in a military relationship. His mistress is the one that seems to get priority over everything. And when you know this, it is a lot easier to maintain a military relationship.

How To Get A Proxy Marriage

Being a married soldier in the Army

If you’re looking to get a proxy marriage in California, Texas or Colorado, the best thing to do is head down to your local county clerk’s office for exact information about fees and rules for proxy marriages. That’s because while proxy marriage is legal in those states, each county may have its own specific processes and rules for securing one.

If you plan to have a double proxy marriage in Montana, you’ll likely want to hire a service to help since you don’t ever need to physically be in the state.

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Financial And Employment Challenges

Research shows a link between marital stability and a couple’s economic situation, with financial disagreements increasing the likelihood of relationship distress. Money management is a common challenge for many service members and their families. Even with the range of services and programs offered by the military around financial education, service members face similar issues to those of civilians.

The following resources provide information pertaining to financial readiness , financial education and budget assistance for couples, as well as research examining the impact of financial stress on military couples. The resources were designed to offer a practical approach to financial management to assist service members in gaining control over finances and managing their money more effectively. Resources also discuss workplace challenges for service members and military spouses.

Berr, J. . Military families struggle with mounting debts. Daily Finance.The financial challenges military families face are discussed. The article also describes organizations designed to help military families with their finances .

An in-depth research review of literature available on topics pertaining to military families, including how finances relate to the couple relationship, are provided.

Things Can And Will Change In An Instant

I remember planning for our second PCS. We had a dwindling savings account and a rental home to clean for inspection before traveling 1,500 miles. But it was all okay because we would use the military movers and the government travel card to pay for hotels, gas, and food along the way.

Or so we thought.

Not only were we forced to pay for an additional month of rent, but the transportation office informed us the movers were scheduled two months out when we only had three weeks. To make matters worse, we never received the travel card in time, so we had to take out a personal loan through our credit union and make payments until we got reimbursed, several months later.

To put it in perspective, you could have found me in the fetal position with a bottle of wine any time during that final week.

But everything works out exactly the way its supposed to. And work out it did.

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Be Sure To Complete Your Paperwork

When you get married in the military, filling out a pile of paperwork is a necessary and important step to beginning your new life in the military community. Military OneSource provides you with a list of key to-dos you may not want to miss from getting a copy of your marriage certificate and a military identification card to asking your spouse to enroll you in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System, or DEERS, and more. Call Military OneSource 800-342-9647 to speak with a consultant. OCONUS/International? .

Effects Of Combat On Marriage And Family Life

Military Marriage Counseling

Combat experience has been found to be associated with subsequent mental and behavioral health issues which, in turn, can lead to marital problems and an increased divorce risk for military couples. Post-traumatic stress disorder and combat stress reaction are two psychological problems resulting from combat exposure. Soldiers with CSR often return home with feelings of vulnerability, disconnection and distrust, while PTSD victims may feel detached and estranged from others, anxious, or preoccupied with their memories. Both conditions have the potential to negatively affect soldiers’ interpersonal relationships, including their marriages. Further, studies show that wives of veterans with PTSD frequently experience chronic distress, depression, and anxiety as a result of their husband’s disorder.

The following resources provide information about PTSD and other non-PTSD related mental disorders and physical injuries associated with combat. Resources also discuss military spousal abuse as well as the impacts of combat on children.

Armed Forces Crossroads. Stress Management, War and Terrorism, PTSD and Trauma, Veterans.This webpage includes a variety of resources on how service members can best deal with PTSD and other combat-related challenges, including an anonymous helpline for PTSD victims and their spouses.

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This Is A Relationship Of Sacrifices

If youre dating a military man, there are times it will feel like your life comes second. Your education or career may be at the bottom of the list of priorities. Your reaction to these times will give you an idea as to how the future may look.

What Is The Married Army Couples Program

The Army MACP is a way to keep a family together while accomplishing the missions set forth by the Army. The service established the program in August 1983. It is designed to help ensure that married soldiers are considered for joint domicile assignments, and help couples navigate the inherent challenges of being married while both serve in the Army.

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What To Know About Getting Married In The Military

Home » What to Know About Getting Married in the Military

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In many ways getting married while in the military is the same as getting married as a civilian. However, in many ways it is also very different. Here is what you need to know about getting married in the military.

Military members who are stationed in the United States do not need any advanced permission or special paperwork filled out prior to getting married. Instead, the state laws in which the marriage is occurring reign.

However, if you are overseas and are getting married to a foreign national, things are different. When this is the case there are many forms that are needed. Additionally, you must receive counseling as well as permission from your commander. Furthermore, your spouse is obligated to undergo a medical examination and a security background check and the marriage must also be recognized by the U.S. embassy. Therefore the process of marrying a foreign national overseas can take several months to be approved.

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